the title says it all. it’s the biggest lesson i learned while being at ALT! read below to find out more of my thoughts! BUT before you do…check out my last 2 outfits i rocked at ALT!
i realize that you are all probably sick and tired of me talking about this random ALT SUMMIT conference i went to in january, but i have to share with you the most important lesson i learned from attending this conference!! i think we can all relate to this, whether we are working mothers or stay at home moms! i wasn’t surprised that i was filled with a ridiculous amount of information at this conference! it was amazing how many tips, suggestions, and ideas i had written on paper, ready to apply to my blog. in some ways ALT made me feel invincible! there were a couple times when i thought, ‘i could be just as big as these speakers!’ or ‘there is NO reason why i can’t have a hugely successful blog and make some great money off of it!’ my head was reeling and dizzy and wanting to go 100 miles per hour with all these ideas and thoughts! i was ready to go. i was ready to push myself and make my blog bigger and better than ever before! and then when i got home from ALT…life happened. you all know what i’m talking about. i don’t think i got a chance to even unpack my bags for like 2 weeks. i desperately missed my little family and was so eager to get back to them but frankly i was more frustrated and overwhelmed than ever before. was it too much to ask for one teeny tiny little day to myself to organize the business cards, set up the email list, write down my thoughts, type up my notes, research this and edit that? honestly, i think i was expecting to come home and have some time while the kids played quietly in the playroom together. the week i got back was probably one of the lowest and frankly depressing weeks i’ve had as a mother. my children are at the age that they need my constant attention and love. i don’t have time during the day when i am alone. my little boy is busy and my little girl is curious and just wants to be around me. i had never thought motherhood was a burden as much as i did that week. every time i tried to sit and write an email or do anything related to my blog my kids would fall apart. i could not get a single thing done and i was upset about it. it put me in such a dark place. i found myself frustrated with my kids…i just wanted to work a little bit…was that too much to ask? i was bitter that i was trying to be a STAY AT HOME MOM WITH A FULL TIME JOB. i was taking it out on my precious little kids and i was not getting anywhere. it hurts me to write this all down but i want to remember how i felt to learn and to never go back there again. i think it was about wednesday or thursday night of that particularly awful week that i found myself scratching my daughters back unable to utter a single word of ‘i like to look at rainbows’ because the tears were coming too strong. as they rolled down my cheeks and fell onto the shoulder of my reagan, i dropped to my knees, beside her bed, and prayed to heavenly father to forgive me for treating my kids the way i had. i can’t remember how long i was on my knees but i remember everything becoming so clear while i knelt on that pink flower rug. i am on this earth to be the mother of my children. i have been blessed with each of my children to care and love and nurture them. when i became a stay at home mother this last summer i thought just being home would be enough. i was so wrong. i have to make a choice every. single. day. when my eyes open that i will be a mother. i was frustrated because i was putting work first but when i put my family first, it always works the way it’s suppose to. isn’t that funny? it’s almost like the Lord is blessing you for your valiant work as a mother. the days that followed were much better. i woke up wanting to be a mother. wanting to change diapers and make meals. somedays i don’t even get to open my laptop until the kids go to bed. and that’s okay. it has to be okay. because i have decided to put my family first and i need to realize that i can’t do what i used to when i didn’t have children or even when i only had one child. it’s okay that they are my life now. in fact, it’s not only okay, it’s the absolute best, more rewarding thing on the face of the planet. i wouldn’t change my life for the world. it’s pretty pathetic that i had to have an experience like that to make me realize that i need more balance in my life. you would think i had learned that by now with my diet and exercise. balance is everything. everything. everything. if we don’t have balance we cannot successfully grow into what we want to become. it’s hard to see things grow at a slow pace. when i dedicate myself to something i am all or nothing. which can easily become a serious problem. often times i have to step back and realize that if it doesn’t happen today, it’s okay. in a world of instant gratification and constant competition, wouldn’t it be nice if we all just chilled out a bit. i am still very much dedicated to my goals and dreams but if i put my children first, i can lay my head down at night knowing that i was a great mother that day. no, maybe i didn’t get a blog post done but in the eternal scheme of things. it doesn’t matter. my children are in a stage of their lives that will only last for a split second. most days i want this stage to fly by. even without the distraction of my blog or the world, motherhood is hard right now. locks on the drawers and cupboards. spilled drinks. sticky faces and hands. constant unknown foreign objects sticking to the bottoms of my feet or somehow finding them on the carpet right after i vacuumed that exact spot. the leftover wheat toast stuck to the bean bag that you don’t find until it’s practically apart of bean bag. couch cushions over turned. toilet water with soggy paper trailing out of the bathroom. cuts on knees from daredevil-like falls and scratches on faces from the other sibling. nail polish splattered on shoes and tile grout. sand in little fat roll crevasses. 100 apple sauce and string cheese packets devoured daily with the constant chanting for sugar or donuts or ice cream resounding in my ear. crayon and pencil art that decorates my wall. chairs in the up right ontopofthetable position not because i’m getting ready to mop the floor, but because if they are down, they will be used as a ladder to climb to the top of the counter or a shield to defend yourself from the flying blocks…. but none of that matters when you’re told by your 3 year old that you’re their best friend or when you get to cuddle with your little boy while singing him to sleep. or that at the end of the day. all they want is you. because you are their mother. blog posts will come and go but today’s moments will be gone tomorrow. i’m beyond grateful for this little piece of internet space that i get to call my own. i am so blessed to have an outlet that can keep me busy during those ‘down-times’, even if they are slim right now. i will continue to strive to reach my blogging goals. i want to conquer the world…just after bedtime!