photo credit: EMMY LOWE PHOTO
“BACK TO SCHOOL” will forever mean something different to me after this year. I know, I know, I know… if you follow me on INSTAGRAM you are SO OVER me talking about it but really, ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN??? WHY!? Reagan could fit in my pocket still, like, she could probably fit in Baylor’s pocket! She’s just so little. (14th percentile in height little) Yes, my little bird is going to Kindergarten from 8:30-3 for 5 days out of the week. It’s so hard to let her fly. Especially when you can see the wonder and innocence in her eyes. But, just beyond the wonder, I look a little closer and can see and feel and sense her hesitancy.
Just a couple months ago, we were in Idaho visiting my parents. They have a large pond in the front of their house with huge boulders cemented together to make the ultimate jumping rock. While visiting, we probably swam in the pond everyday. Despite both of my children having scary near-drowning experiences, they have little fear of water. Or of heights, or really of anything. They are brave little humans. Their older cousins were jumping off the big boulders and of course, they wanted to join. I wasn’t that surprise when they both started to climb the rocks and jump off the first one. It wasn’t high off the water and soon became boring to them. Before I knew it, Reagan was begging me to jump off the top rock with her. And I will admit…it takes some guts for even me to do it. She was certain she wanted to try, so her and I started to climb up to the top of the boulders. I grabbed her wet little body and carefully sat her on the top rock while I finished behind her. Before I could grab her hand, I looked up at her and saw something I don’t think I will ever forget. There, on top of the tallest boulder, in the middle of the deepest pond, was my little 5 year old baby girl, soaked from head to toe and dripping with water. Knees clasps tight together shaking just a tad, while her fingers are interloped together and pressed tight against her life jacket. With her little eyes shut, she took a deep breath and said, “I AM BRAVE, I AM BRAVE!” She had no idea anyone had seen her and she didn’t care if someone was watching. She was searching for courage deep down in her soul. She knew she could find it. She didn’t doubt that she could jump off that rock. When her fear started to rise, she didn’t find an excuse to not jump, she found an excuse TO jump. She was BRAVE. That’s all she needed to know. I still get all teary eyed and momma proud when I think about that story. Reagan would jump that day, and the next, and the next. She would find courage. The only difference between jumping off that boulder and starting kindergarten is that I’m not there to hold her hand as we take the leap and long scary ride down to the water. I can climb the boulder with her, give her a big hug and kiss and tell her she can do it. But she has to find that courage inside herself, like she did that day out in the pond, and jump by herself into this scary unknown land of learning and creation.
She was excited and brave her first day, but has slowly become more hesitant and nervous as the days go on.
“EVERYDAY?” she asks with tears in her eyes…
“YES BABY, EVERYDAY!” I tell her while squeezing her tight.
I hate that she’s getting old enough to understand that courage isn’t something you just use every once in a while… but every single day of her life.
Life is hard, whether you are going into Kindergarten or trying to figure out how to be a good mom!
You can do it Reagan Jane, I believe in you.
I know you are brave, and I know that YOU KNOW it too!
OKAY, get it together Sadie Jane, let’s talk about these outfits…
Thank goodness for these adorable Paul Smith glasses from GLASSES.COM, they can hide my red eyes and swollen face from crying so much!
(side note: did you know you can get clear lenses in any of the rims on GLASSES.COM if you don’t wear eyeglasses? YEP! True fact! I don’t wear contacts or glasses but I love to dress up my look with a great pair of lenses, especially when I’m all emotional mom over here crying all the time!)
AND what about throwing on a fashionable maxi dress from SHABBY APPLE? Yes please! Did you know that maxi dresses, especially this one, are as comfortable as yoga pants!!!
This dress solves so many of my problems.
Cravings for Fall? Check!
Perfect layering piece? Check!
Yep, I think if Reagan can survive this school thing…
I can too!